Logo Icon

121: How Love And Sex Is Killing Your Relationships With Rabbi Manis Freidman

Love isn’t a proper barometer for relationships. - Rabbi Manis FreidmanClick to Tweet

We all have a desire to experience intimacy. It’s a vital piece to our emotional and spiritual well-being.  When it is lacking in our lives, we feel there is something missing.

In today’s world, more and more people share that with all the technological advances in communication, that intimacy is harder to find.

Even those who are in a committed relationship, may experience feeling alone.

In today’s episode of the Have It All podcast, we’re joined by world-renowned author, counselor, lecturer and philosopher Rabbi Manis Freidman. As a noted Biblical scholar, professionally ranked member of the National Speakers Association, and author of the new book ‘The Joy of Intimacy’, Rabbi Freidman shares with us what intimacy truly means.  And, how our approach to love and sex is impacting our experience of intimacy.

Download today’s episode to learn how love and sex is killing your relationships and how to create more intimacy in your relationships.



The Cliff Notes:

  • Love isn’t a proper barometer for relationships.
  • If wanting love is the theme of a marriage, it creates a condition to the marriage, placing the relationship in danger.
  • Emotions simply means: ‘My response to you’.
  • Emotions, such as love, are fickle.
  • Emotions rise and fall, wax and wane in response to people and their behaviors.
  • A relationship must provide more than an emotion, such as stability and security.
  • People want unconditional love, though, it is the relationship that is to be unconditional, not the emotion of love.
  • The importance of a relationship and the pleasure of love must be separated.
  • Intimacy is the art of merging yourself with another self beyond all things.
  • Intimacy means loving someone for being them, not the things about them (ie – money, looks, personality traits, etc.).
  • Place the importance on who you are loving, not the love itself.
  • The thing you believe in must be more real than your belief in it.
  • We have lost respect for intimacy as a society, by working to reduce intimacy to the meaning of playfulness.
  • Intimacy is not created by your intentions.
  • Love is personal and about ‘me’; intimacy is about us.
  • True intimacy respects that all of you belongs to you and if you invite me in, it’s a privilege.
  • Love is the result of intimacy, not the cause of it.
  • Love and sex are things.
  • The things destroying marriages today is love and sex.
  • Mutual pleasure does not bond. It’s only simultaneous, it’s not shared.
  • Sex and love are valuable things and they get in the way of intimacy.
  • Intimacy is the intense pleasure of being with you.
  • Intimacy is not a thing, it is “us”.
  • The bedroom is a no-thing-zone.  Meaning no thing is to come between us.
  • Never be intimate with the lights on because when it’s dark you can’t see any ‘thing’.
  • Intimacy is not a right, no matter the amount of time together and it is up to the person to share.
  • The need to be right kills relationships as it puts up barriers.
  • Loss of respect and loss of dignity also ruin relationships.
  • Souls do not choose where, when and with whom they are born into and, instead, humbly accept the mission to come to earth.
  • Money, talent, compassion and love are not meant to be kept for you. They are meant to be shared.
  • It just takes breaking the surface tension for two drops of water to join.
  • Break the surface tension of being right, holding back and looking for what you can get.
  • Try having separate beds so that when the lights go out, it adds just a bit of effort in going over to the other’s bed to initiate the act of being intimate.


Intimacy means loving someone for being them, not the things about them.- Rabbi Manis FreidmanClick to Tweet