168: How to STOP Arguing & START Communicating
One of the most common issues in relationships is communication.
Often, during heated disagreements, we have a tendency to start behaving in patterns that our system has developed as a defense mechanism over time. Some of us use anger as our outlet, while others use withdrawal or silence. But all of these defense patterns come from an internal need that feels neglected.
Our hurtful reactions to one another are a result of not knowing how to check in with ourselves during heightened emotions.
That’s why on today's episode of Personal Development Without The Fluff, we are sharing a coaching call with one of our clients—a couple going through the very familiar struggle of being a harmonious, coexisting unit.
Tune in to this conversation to hear Guy & Ilan’s tips and tricks for navigating relationship dissonance.“The first thing to realize is that everyone’s just trying to get their needs met.” - Guy & Ilan Ferdman
The Cliff Notes:
- Combat aggression and anger with soft-spoken passivity.
- Trying to communicate in the midst of reactionary behavioral patterns is almost a waste of time.
- Only allow yourselves to discuss disagreements when both of you are rested and centered.
- Make a commitment in your relationship to designate self-care days.
- Get in touch with what part of your inner childhood-self is hurting during trigger moments.
- At the end of the day, all we are seeking is to connect with each other.
- When do you feel love, acceptance and support in your relationship?
- When do you not?
- Check in with your system with compassion when you find yourself beginning to react in your unhealthy patterns.